True but thats because hes a fetus.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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