I cannot find my penis.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
