I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
