Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
