Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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