apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
