I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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