Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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