she smelled like a LAN party
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
