her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
