My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
