do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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