I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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