he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
