Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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