I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
