Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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