Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
