Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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