I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dick has a subreddit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
