I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
