Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
