Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
