Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
