Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
