Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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