chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
