You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
