when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Operation Purity has been aborted
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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