Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
