If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
