Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
