Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
