sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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