dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
