Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
