Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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