it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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