Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
