awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
