So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
