She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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