I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
