ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
