I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
