Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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