how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
