Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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