I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
