:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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