Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
